Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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