1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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