dude i'm inner monologue high
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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