So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Everclear isn't food dammit
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
