Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
