Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
