I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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