Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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