I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
