I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize