i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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