Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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