We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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