The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
