it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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