I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
