Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
