The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
