When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
