I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
