May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Be still, my beating vagina.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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