I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
