i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
