I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
