why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
