wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
