This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
