I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
