it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
