i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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