and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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