dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize