im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Everything about him screamed your future.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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