There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
