Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
