Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
