Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
