Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
