They should really pass out barf bags in church
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
