did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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