dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
