A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize