Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
