He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
