i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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