Are we in a gay sports bar?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize