The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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