How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
