And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
