New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
