Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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