Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
