i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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