I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My balls are so social today.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
