Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize