Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i believe in u and ur pee
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