Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
