Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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