i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
