Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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