I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
