You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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