Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
