dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
