you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
