He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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