I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
