i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
