I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
